Do you know when to quit?

Most of us were taught by family members and mentors, at a young age not to be a quitter and to “Finish what you start!” In our highly fast paced society, whether we’re facing burnout from a job we hate, an unsatisfying relationship, or distancing ourselves from a toxic friend, we often freeze, feeling mentally and emotionally stuck and at a crucial crossroad as we ponder hurting (or dissapointing others) versus hurting ourselves.

As adults we try to be diplomatic in difficult relationships and on our jobs. We try to say the right thing and do the right thing at all times, sometimes weighing the consequences (and the benefits) of walking away from something or someone. Often times we just end up staying way too long and we have our reasons: “I don’t want to be without a job (you’re afraid to look for a new one or lack the confidence that you can receive a new one)” and “What would my parents think if I leave this job/position/career?” and “I don’t want to hurt his/her feelings if I break it off” and “Well we’ve been together ____ years, maybe he’ll finally marry me (or plug in whatever else it could be that's bothering you) if I just hang in there versus starting over in the scary dating pool.” If it’s all drudgery and no fun, you’ve probably stayed too long (this can be applied to anything in life). Ahh I’m on a roll (smile).

The reasons (excuses) go on and on, if we could only learn to be as selfish as we once were, as kids. Our younger selves were smarter and stronger than our parents and other adults gave credit. We can learn from those days when we knew how to protect our spirits, territory, belongings and our dreams from theft. Some of us do this, and we’ve learned to apply conscious, even spiritual practices to getting and maintaining what we want in life. But for those of us who somehow forgot that we are not obligated to others, at the expense of ourselves: How did we lose that valuable mechanism? Perhaps our being socialized in the beliefs of “keep up with the Joneses”, “hold your pain, never let them see you sweat” and “better to have half a man (or a dissapointing man) than none at all because there’s a ‘man shortage’” have taken over, forcing out the intution inside of us telling us to be different, be unique, go out on a limb and finally proclaim THIS JOB/MAN/WOMAN/FRIEND/ETC. IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME AND IT’S TIME FOR ME TO MOVE ON!

If 2007 (and years prior), taught me nothing else, it is that to compromise or sacrifice myself for others’ happiness or approval is to waste my own potential and purpose to be truly happy and rewarded in this life. It is that simple. And because tomorrow isn’t promised, why waste time holding on to anything that doesn’t bring me (you) joy? There are other jobs. There are other men (or women) in ‘the sea’. No matter what your religious or spiritual belief, all religions teach abundance. This means there is enough of anything (anyone) to go around, regardless of the bleak statistics or negative beliefs our friends or relatives try to drill into our heads.

So in this New Year, ask yourself, “Do I know when to quit?” If you’re facing a dilemna and it looks like you have a choice to sink or swim, deciding to quit may be your best choice. Knowing when to quit doesn’t mean you’re a quitter, it means you value yourself enough to look through the door of possibility and decide you are worth it.

For more inspiration (information) on quitting read: “Know When to Fold ‘Em” by Martha Beck (p. 47 advice, etc.) in the January 2008 issue of O Magazine“Adieu to All That” by Carlin Flora (p. 70) in the December 2007 issue of Psychology Today